This a message for all the people around the world that being in love can make you selfish because you want him/her to be by your side at all times, you can’t sleep when you don’t see him/her and he/she can also be selfish because he/she needs some space he/she wanted to hang out with friends more often than to be with you. But with all these scenarios the most important part about them is that you can learn something from them. You will understand that LOVE is the one making you happy and love is different from SELFISHNESS because love is about freedom, you can choose to be faithful but you can’t force people to be faithful to you. Love him enough to set him free, love yourself enough to set yourself free. Let’s read the whole message.
“I can’t do it. What if he finds someone else? Someone better, someone prettier. What if he leaves me for her? I can’t let him go, I can’t lose him. “
I was 17 when I cried out to my mom about this. And she said, “Sweetheart, that is selfishness”. My mom is a very wise woman. As I grow older, the more I often find myself saying “mom was right”. She shared everything with me but it was experiencing that really taught me.
Back then I always wanted to be beside him. My ex. He made me happy… For as long as we were together. But I can’t be away. Not even for a night, I can’t be too far away. Or else, he’d be in places he shouldn’t be. That’s why for a long time, I didn’t really have a much peaceful sleep. I was always scared of being cheated on. I knew I should have ended it the moment he betrayed me, but how could I? That would give him more victory and freedom to be with other girls. It hurts but I had to keep him beside me because it would hurt more to see someone else have him. Or so I thought.
And wow, was I blind. Real love is not blind, it makes you see more & not less. I wasn’t really in love, I was selfish. He was selfish. We were two selfish people striking each other down every day.
Things changed. Because this time, I didn’t have to be away for him to lie. I had to only live a few steps away from him only to know that everyone already knows about a new girl… Except me. There I realized that a person who is faithful will be faithful even if he lives miles away. And a person who wants to cheat will still cheat even if you lay close to him every night.
I came to a point where I was with him just because I was afraid of being alone in life. But there came a time when I learned that it is better to be single & secure than to be dating but afraid. Faithfulness can never be forced.
I thought I couldn’t do it, but when I did, I realized… It wasn’t only him that I set free, it was myself. I finally had the time to know myself and what I am capable of. I never knew my heart could go through so many heartbreaks and come out stronger. I never knew that deep inside me lives a girl who has so much love to give.
So when I fell in love, the most real love I have experienced in a man, I gave him freedom. That is one of the greatest gifts I could give him. Mark was and still is a free man. He is free to go on adventures, he is free to reach his dreams and he is free to make mistakes.
The more I set him free, the more I know that his heart belongs to me. Imagine these two scenarios.
1. You and your partner are in a room. Only the both of you. His eyes are fixed on you and only you.
2. You and your partner are in a room full of many people. But his eyes are fixed on you and only you.
Which do you think is better? I pick the second. Because in the second scenario, he has more options but he chooses you. He chooses you every day. On the first scenario, it almost feels like he has no other choice.
You can choose to be faithful but you can never force others to be faithful to you. There is always someone better than you, he will always meet new people but it is his choice whether or not he will stay with you. There is nothing wrong if when in time, he realizes that you are not best for each other. If in letting him go he finds someone who can make him happier, then you should be happy for him too. Because love means being happy when he is happy even if it’s not because of you anymore. Love and sacrifice go together.
Trust that there will come a time when you will be happier than you have ever been. For now, learn what love truly is. If you do not have real love, security, and peace in you, how can you expect that you will be able to share that with a partner? You cannot give what you do not have.
Do you have love within you? Do you know your value? Do you have a good amount of time with other people? Can you make a decision without waiting on him? Do you feel secured about where you currently stand in life? Do you have a good relationship with your family? Is your life filled with peace & love from God?
If not, then consider that you might need your own time, too. Because when you put your whole identity in a relationship, its imperfections will impair you and limp you. And relationships are always imperfect. Yours, mine & theirs.
You can do it. It’s just a matter of willingness to do so.
Love him enough to set him free, love yourself enough to set yourself free.
“There is no fear in love, but perfect love drives out fear”
1 John 4:18
Disclaimer: though having to talk about my past is only to show a contrast of MY HEART then and now, I know that my past is also in a different place as I am now. People change and people grow. Who he is now is different from who he was with me.
So what do you think about this article? Let us know your thoughts in the comment section located down below. Thank you for visiting our website.